Get a grip

The Matthew Parris Party worries that winning the next GE would be bad for the Tories. Labour bandwagoners like Peter Wilby recommend that Labour throw the match so that they can make a sort of religious retreat, returning to the True Faith before making a come-back.

The infernal economic mess that Brown works so assiduously to hide will be revealed if the Tories win the next election. And they'll have to take a lot of flak while it's cleared up. Picture it... union militants, all the anti-something-ists on the streets, the Guardian going postal, the BBC airwaves clogged with piss-poor left-wing comedians... aargh.

But if Brown wins, he gets another five years (maybe) in which to wreak more irreversible constitutional and economic havoc, appease our indiginous and EU enemies - and bury more bodies. An appalling prospect.

Courage, mes amis. Get a grip. Chuck the lying, traitorous, profligate, Stalinist bastards out, then paddle like mad and keep baling till the storm abates. Duty calls.