Regarding this convicted felon...

... who was released earlier today when his appeal was allowed by the Court of Appeal despite one of the judges saying that

'in the court's view, the sentencing judge had had "no option but to impose a custodial sentence".

Now I am not a lawyer, and I am very confused. The Appeal Court says that the trial judge had no alternative and promptly overturns his judgement. How does that work? Well, let us dig deeper.

Lord Ahmed's barrister, Jeremy Baker QC, had argued the jail sentence could "irreparably and permanently" damage Lord Ahmed's ability to carry out community work in the future.

Ah! Yes, I see. Of course. All quite clear now. His Lordship is a Muslim community worker!

So... that means... being a Muslim community worker means that British courts will make exceptional arrangements for you in the event of your being convicted of a crime? You don't have to serve a custodial sentence to which a judge feels there is no alternative?

One law for Muslim community workers and another for everyone who is not, ah, a Muslim community worker?

Or what? He'll call up his army of 10,000 of his prison visitors co-religionists to see justice done by their community worker?

Is that how it works? It is? Right. At least that's clear.

I have some more questions.

Have Attorney General Scotland (corrected) and Justice Minister Straw:

(i) regretfully declined to comment on individual cases or

(ii) said this is a matter for the Courts and not government or

(iii) already made the government's position perfectly clear or

(iv) suggested that we draw a line under the matter and move on?

I just need to know how the government wants me to think about this matter. Where I stand. That sort of thing. You know.

One can't be too careful. I wouldn't want to break the law by speaking out of turn. I could end up in court. Full majesty of the law and all that. Awesome.