Bumptious teacher's pet made Head Boy

So it's a victory for Gordon Brown, then. He has inflicted the most annoying possible candidate on the House of Commons as his parting gift so up yours, Cameron, you Tory toff bastard. Brown had visible difficulty keeping a straight face during the Approbation proceedings in the House of Lords. Git.

Could have been worse. It might have been 'Hanging Basket' Beckett.

John Bercow is a pompous, attention-seeking shortarse with delusions of adequacy and an exemplary record of flipping and CGT-avoidance. He has won the Labour Government's absolution of all his sins (spookily similar to their own) and successfully promoted the cause of his own Beatification by an assiduous campaign of unashamed Brown-nosing. In so doing, he alienated something close to half the House of Commons for whom he is very much on probation. To be continued...

Full Canonisation as attained by St Betty of Boothroyd is not a foregone conclusion, however, since yer actual Sainthood requires two miracles which we have yet to see. What might they be, I wonder? Learning to speak like a human being? Stopping Tories wanting to slap him on sight? Getting Nadine Dorries to chair his fan club?

Mr Bercow has long had his eye on the Speaker's Chair and why wouldn't he? If annoying everyone without fear or favour is a qualification for the Office of Speaker, his ghastly, orotund speechifying and giggle-making pomposity certainly fit him for the job. Oh - and the troughing opportunities are mouthwatering. Before collecting the £40k p.a. index-linked pension for life, the Speaker takes home a ministerial salary, lives free of charge in the best apartments in London, takes first place in the queue for almost everything and ends up with a peerage with benefit of troughing and droning opportunities for life. Yes, one way or another, we are now saddled with Bercow until he drops off his little perch.

Don't get me wrong. I am all in favour of our most important public offices being furnished with appropriate honours. Appropriate to the office, that is, not to the office-holder. And it's with the office-holders that the problem so often, as in this case, lies. Some people are just too small for their ceremonial boots - or silver-buckled court shoes.

But let's be fair. Our new Speaker has made an excellent start with this ringing declaration:

As a matter of principle, I believe strongly that the post of Speaker should not be a job for life. John Bercow's campaign letter to Conservative MPs.

Indeed. Remember that, Mr Speaker.