George, don’t do that.

Dear Mr Osborne,

Stop saying 'gonna’. ‘We're gonna do so-and-so.'

It makes you sound like an uneducated Labour oik. One might almost think you had been to a state ‘school’.

Stop it.

One of the reasons you are likely soon to be in government, Mr Osborne, and Labour out of it is that too many of their overpromoted, semi-literate ministers (Smith, Flint, Prescott…) both are and sound like oiks who, grotesquely, see their horribly inadequate selves as role models for children. They make every effort to be Down With The Kids in the hope that The Kids will like and emulate them.

When Government ministers speak like playground oiks, one should enquire as to their purpose in doing so.

Please do not emulate these malign Labour bastards in anything. They have nothing to teach you but the sort of bad behaviour which will ensure tears before bed time.

Yours etc.,

Prodicus of Ceos.