Mustn't grumble

My two local papers report:

An annual health check of Uttlesford (District, Essex) has revealed that people are living longer, eating better and achieving more compared to other areas of the country. The average life expectancy is about 80 for men and 82 for women – almost two years higher than the national average for both. The District Council collected 99.2 of the business tax it was owed against the national average of 97.8 per cent, and 98.3 per cent of the (low) Council tax it is owed against the national average of 97 per cent.

The number of reported crimes per 1,000 population hereabouts is the lowest in the county and falling steadily, and the county consistently has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. We have the 6th best recycling profile in the country. In 2001, Uttlesford, which includes the historic market towns of Saffron Walden, Thaxted and Great Dunmow, was named by The Sunday Times as the best place to live in England and Wales. And yet, how does our local paper, quoting the Department of Health, describe this blessed plot in which I am fortunate enough to live?

One of the least deprived areas in the country.

Least... deprived. One is almost lost for words. And then one takes another swig... The bureaucrat 'mind' is a mystery to psychiatric and neurological medicine. At this point, you should be reading a tirade about the perversion of language and the corruption of public discourse but it’s too bloody hot. My regular reader can probably guess my thoughts anyway so rather than waste my time and yours I’m going back to the garden with a long, cold drink. Cheers. UPDATE Nope, I can't help myself. So we are all, ALL, no matter how healthy, how civic-minded, how law-abiding and crime-free, how fear-free and secure, how efficiently and rationally and compassionately (locally-) governed and surrounded by natural beauty, we are ALL -- to an extent to be defined by some jobsworth arsehole with a computer and a clipboard -- fucking deprived. Fuck off. Socialist, central-planning freak bastards. And before my lefty bastard reader starts typing about middle class gits like me not having a fucking clue about how the other half lives, fuck off. You know nothing about me, my family, my antecedents, my class or my income. Fuck off. Fuck off.