Go back to your constituencies and prepare... oh.

Hoon - dammit! - Huhne believes in sticking with tried and tested Liberal tradition. I mean, look at his speech today.

Rather than oppose a corrupt and dying government, he wastes his tiny bullets on trying to hit a target waaaaay beyond the range of his very small, um, weapon: the increasingly popular Conservative Party. Ho yes. Another victory for home-team-pleasing Liberal Democrat bile over political common sense.

But if I were David Cameron and George Osborne, I would be worried. Cameron’s key message is “I am not Gordon Brown”. It’s empty. It’s negative, and it won’t stand up to the scrutiny of a campaign.

Hey - Huhne, baby. Say that last sentence again for me, will you? V e r y s l o w l y. While looking in a mirror. See what you did there?

Sweet, really. Except for the vinegar - another fine LibDem tradition, wholly in tune with their special kind of 'localism'.

And of course there was the traditional LibDem trip down Memory Lane. It must have warmed David Steel's little old heart.

There is now a real choice. A fork in the road. For the first time in a generation we can and should wield national power.

Bwahahahahaha...

So where are they now, then, these political giants whom, unaccountably, the electorate insist on laughing into third place behind the big boys? Well, let's see.

The Sage's extraordinary vanity (boosted by the BBC who persist in taking him seriously... why?) has blinded him to political reality so that he has finally over-reached himself and is facing a kicking from his senior colleagues, if not worse. The Cleggmeister is waffling like a good 'un (another LibDem tradition) on the electric wireless and despite committing himself to fuck all still manages to put himself at odds with his party members over whether his team should don red shirts or blue 'when' we have a (no, wait for it, wait for it...) hung Parliament. (Now you can laugh.)

Once again, friends, I give you the Liberal Democrat Party Conference. A laugh a day (at least), political incoherence and intellectual confusion abounding in every speech in every part of the venue. All precisely as advertised. God's in his heaven and all's right with the world.