Wassup, Dave?

Why the reserve at PMQs? Why no flame-throwers in the campaign to date?

Maybe Cameron has decided to show up Team Brown for the horrible bastards they are with a contrasting image of Clean Politics. 'More in sorrow than in anger' sorta thing... a gentle, sorrowful 'We Can't Go On Like This' instead of 'Hang These Fucking Evil Control-Freak Fuckers for Fucking Up Every Fucking Thing They Touch In The Name Of Their Fucking Horrible Fabianista Ideology'.

Well, all right, that's a little too street-thug, a little too Balls-y for Cameron, I grant you. He's too much of a toff gentleman to go all out with a negative campaign in the style of a Campbell, a Maguire or a McBride.

Brown presents a vast barn-door of a target for any enemy but maybe playing the man is just not in Cameron's blood.

Or maybe he thinks it's not in the electorate's blood. And maybe he thinks the Nasty Party label is with the Conservative Party for ever and that recalling it is to be avoided at all costs.

That would be sound, for which thank you and fuck off Teresa May.

That ghastly woman has done more substantive damage to the Conservative Party with her mal mot than almost any other single speech including 'unemployment is a price worth paying' and 'back to basics'. The dread connotation has shaped Cameron's personal and party campaigning from the word go. It colours every - EVERY - Conservative Party policy idea even before it's mooted, hamstringing the party philosophically, politically and practically whenever the Tories should be rallying the country with an appeal to sanity and a call to realism and the prospect of responsible capitalist prosperity for all.

Yes, all, you lefty bastard. Fuck off and carry on working to keep everyone imprisoned in your dream landscape of noble poverty, every crossroad with its gibbet for the plutocrat with mortgage or ISA.

Teresa May removed the lead put into in the Tory pencil by Margaret Thatcher. She is the living incarnation of anti-Thatcher Conservatism and I loathe her for it.

Why is the toffy-nosed, infuriating, couldn't-hit-a-fucking-barn-door woman still in the balloon? Hmph. Knows where the bodies are, I suppose. What? Oh. I mentioned Mrs May before?

Where were we? Ah, yes.

Actually, given the choice I prefer my politicians clean as opposed to dripping with gore. I am happy to get covered in the blood of the enemy myself, as is only proper to the foot-soldier, but I want those in government to at least look as though they have had a wash unlike the Labour front bench, pace the fragrant Bradshaw and Bryant.

And yet...

Team Clean Cameron, as Oborne has pointed out, looks a lot more like a government than Brown's shambolic, shagged-out shower. The Conservatives are increasingly treated as the government in exile by those who actually move and shake things out of the spotlight.

So Cameron must be wary. He has a lot to lose. Brown has already lost everything, pretty much - hence the gallows-gurning at PMQs.

Cameron must walk a fine line around Smug and Presumptuous - and Nasty.

For now. Once the election trumpet sounds, I trust the Cameron-Coulson-Hilton grid includes a snarling and biting break for the dogs.

Surely they know that Nice is knifed by Nasty on a daily basis in Brown's Britain? FFS, Gordon Brown is living proof that Nasty can gain power and will do anything to keep it. Don''t be too nice too long, Dave, or you may not outlive a kamikaze enemy.

I'll wait. For now.

But the electorate is angry, Mr Cameron. Fucking furious, since you ask.

We want revenge on Labour. We want some blood, even if it makes you wince a bit. OK, not the all out slaughter of which we have been dreaming. The odd gnash will suffice. Then you can go back to playing nice.

And if Teresa May should fall down one of the many stairways in the Palace of Westminster on the morning after the election, no-one will weep. No-one. Believe me.