Just bugger off, would you?

All you Facebook wallahs.

I found myself obliged to sign on, after years of resistance, intending to use it anonymously, and solely for eavesdropping purposes. As you do. I used an alias complete with its own mailbox. Not this one.

Later, having found it QI, I decided to sign on as Prodicus. That was vaguely useful during the election but still very liveable-without.

Then, I found I 'needed' (yeah, yeah, all right, don't all shout at once) to announce my actual identity in order to contact a real-world person who was only contactable, AFAIK, at Facebook, so I signed on as my real self.

BIG MISTAKE.

I am now pestered non-stop by dozens of fucking bores with whom it seems I have 'mutual friends' - people whom, occasionally, I run into socially, nodding acquaintances with whom I have and require neither close proximity nor intimacy. But the bastards are besieging me on Facebook.

Well, they can all fuck off. I am ignoring all requests, 'pokes' (what? Oh FFS...) and other contacts. I vant to be a loon.

What are the social conventions, here? Am I offending amiable types whom I would not dream of offending in the real world, by ignoring them on my screen? Can one 'befriend' one person but ignore all the 'mutual friends'? They will know you are pointedly, expressly ignoring them, personally. So they try another tack - they bloody well email you to invite you bilaterally.

Well, if you are reading this and you wannabe my Facebook Friend, kindly fuck off.

Nothing personal.

And as for Twitter, it's a news service. A feed machine. Nothing more. Yes, I use it. But as Prodicus. Not as my private self. So the buggers can't get me there. Ha!

Oh - if you now want to plaster my Facebook Wall with obscenities, feel free. I shall not be reading them until, oh, maybe never.