Noooooo! Srsly?

I guess the lefties at the Graun are keeping the good stuff to themselves. (Funny how the Mail isn't on the Wikileaks Christmas card list.) This is the diplomatic bloody dynamite the Mail came up with.

Oh gosh my word stap me vitals butter me bum and call me a barmcake.

Is that it? It's hardly news to the blokes down the Rat & Cockle. But, hold! If they knew all this, maybe they're all American diplomats... or maybe even (sshh!) long-term CIA sleepers! Their accents are brilliant. You'd honestly think they were genuine East Anglia hayseeds.

Tomorrow's Mail today: Britons beware! Be on the lookout for CIA 'sleepers' down your way! They may be sending rude cables about your taste in garden ornaments back to the State Department! This is what your local Pentagon spook may look like:

Stop press: Just heard there's a prayer meeting tomorrow at 9 am at the Pentagon, at which the congregation will beseech the Almighty to keep an eye on Julian Assange, lest he fall down any steep concrete stairs. In the dark. When there's no-one about to hear his cries for help.