You heard it here first

One down, one to go.

Don't you just hate a fucking knowall?

Debates: phrase of the day

'His worm rose mightily.' Oo-er, missus.

Is it this year that Nick sits his A Levels?

Three times last night, one of the chaps who want to be prime minister put clear yellow water between himself and his competitors and between himself and reality, when Clegg called for 'all the chancellors and vice-chancellors' to run the British economy together. Aw, bless. Genuine LibDem politics in action!

Who are these plural chancellors? There's only one in the real world. And vice-chancellors? Aren't they the academics who run universities? I'd have thought they have their hands full already but apparently Nick wants to draft them into a LibDem government (don't... stop it...) to hold Doctor Fable's hand in the Treasury.

I know Vince needs all the carers he can get now that he's been dismembered, and inclusivity is a fine thing of course, but surely conscripting a bunch of unelected dons to run the economy is taking liberalism a bit far.

Unless of course Nick didn't mean what he said.

Labour cluster round to cheer their Leader

Peter Mandelson, Labour’s campaign chief, did not linger long to brief the media on the positive aspects of Mr Brown’s performance. - Financial Times

Image source

Bristol electors: "Is that Inspector Knacker?"

This is illegal.

It contravenes the Representation of the People Act.

It may render the general election poll in Kerry McCarthy's constituency void.

R. E. S. P. E. C. T.

It's Mrs Duffy to you, Dr Brown. Mrs Duffy. Not Gillian.

You are applying to Mrs Duffy and me for re-appointment as our servant. You are merely a job applicant; one of many, at that. Kindly bear that in mind and comport yourself in an appropriate manner while we are considering your suitability for the position advertised.

Please do not use our first names without invitation. It is insolent.

It is patronising to treat us as you would a child or a mentally-challenged adult.

You dishonestly pretend to a de haut en bas form of faux-parental intimacy with the intention of positioning yourself as our superior, using subtle psychological pressure to make us accept your subliminal proposition: that you are entitled to govern us by reason of some kind of natural superiority.

You make unfounded assumptions about our opinion of you personally, and of our view of what constitutes a proper and essential relationship of distance and respect between politicians and electors.

Pathetic, irritating, false bonhomie from a politician screams that he is selling fake goods.

You, Dr Brown, are not personally acquainted with Mrs Duffy or me. For you to sidle up and whisper our first names is weird. You come across like the malformed and insecure bastard product of a drunken one night stand between a sinister snake-oil salesman and a cheap tart. You see how easily a wrong impression may be given?

So let's have a little more respect, please. You never know, it might prompt reciprocity. A little more Mrs Duffy may mean a little less McStalin and Prime Mentalist.

Brown unleashes Forces of Hell on entire Labour Party

Note the date.

This is the day the Labour Party was destroyed by Gordon Brown, whom the entire Labour Cabinet praises as its leader and recommends we elect as Prime Minister.

Big decision for the third party

How long before the MSM ask Brown which of Cameron or Clegg he would support in a hung parliament?

Wait - daft question. It's Mandelson they should be asking.

If only Cameron were a slick salesman & good at PR

Arguing with Paxo, he comes across as an honest, serious politician of substance who commands thoroughly thought-out political and economic views and policies. If only he were as good a rabble-rouser as Nick Clegg, he might even end up as Prime Minister.

Sorry? Did someone in the Red corner say something about "slick salesman"? Who - the bloke who, you say, lost the TV debate to the substantial non-salesman Brown? Slick?

Hello? Is that you, Balls, out there in the electoral darkness? No-one there. Oh, well.

Oh, all right. My Cleggometer.

Clegg bombed last night. He’s not carved in a Prime Ministerial wood. Silly girly smiles when nothing was funny; *nutters*; seemed to need to get the last word — for he was interrupting and seemed agitated, almost bitchy; lingered on a few times for the sake of airtime when clearly his argument was running short. He was babbling like an excited teenager girl at a date with an attractive and rich stud. Not classy enough, almost slutty. He looked like a media whore. He lost it. I’m pretty sure lots of opinion-makers saw it as well. The same people who’ve witnessed Cable bombed the day before.

OK, I didn't actually write that. Chap called Philippe Magnan did, at PB.com. And he's spot on.

LibDems: "the dirtiest in their campaigning techniques"

"Anyone who's in politics knows that the Liberal Democrats are the dirtiest in their campaigning techniques, and I'm saying that as a former Lib Dem. It's one of the reasons I left."

Hat tip to Iain Dale.

Still reeling. Still raging.

They pulled it PDQ and would like us to forget it. They doubtless hope not too many of us saw it. Well hard fucking cheese and God bless the internet.

Cached, you bastards, cached. For fucking eternity. Evidence for the prosecution.

You have to ask what sort of evil-hearted arseholes dreamed it up, laughed at it, put it together and published it. Not the Party Leader, obviously. He takes no responsibility for Labour's election materials as he explained last night.

What sort of putrefying morality-free hate-filled lobotomised Socialist vermin does it take to make an election poster lampooning a father's years of agony caring for his beloved, wheelchair-bound, pain-racked child who just died, for fuck's sake, just because he is their political opponent? Even bloody Goebbels wasn't that nasty. Mengele maybe, but even he would claim he was doing scientific research.

You horrible Labour bastards. Did you really find it funny? Believe it would win you votes? From whom? Who the fucking fuck would want to live in a society governed by monsters like you?

But you've done us a favour, reminding us in the run-up to the election exactly what kind of party Labour is, and who created your disgusting culture, and why he and you are unacceptable in civilised society, and why he and you are finished.

What? You didn't mean it like that? You mean you are just thick? Like - too thick to govern?

Too late. Not listening.

TERMINAL FAIL.

Deathbed optimism

Of course, Clegg is being roared on by the ever-ecumenical Broad Left.

While Balls and Mandelson dismember the Labour Party's corpse, Freedlands and Toynbees all over London's more acceptable neighbourhoods are feeling strangely aroused as they run Clegg's deliciously anti-British sentiments around their tongues and ponder his delightfully Fabian policies on immigration, disarmament, appeasement, education, taxation and voodoo economics. And submission to the socialist international that is the European Project, obviously.

It brings back the old days, when Jack Straw was giving NUS rallies much the same stuff Clegg is spouting now, only with added venom and without the hopey-changey-touchy-feely bits. (Straw was a hard man once, but then he grew up.) The same rentamob was waving the same placards outside the Arnolfini last night, predictably cheering Clegg's every bon mot.

And so the Guardian and the Indy will hold their noses and come out for Clegg on election day, calculating that the New Left wunderkind may just postpone the final obliteration of their moribund Old Left party.

Gimme that ol' time religion

Nick Clegg is a standard-issue, rabble-rousing politician of the old school. Anyone who knows a bit of history knows that. Pity more people don't know a bit of history.

He is a very average power-hungry politico weaving a web of mendaciously magic words and gestures to beguile and galvanise the angry and the ill-informed - people who have never taken (and will never take) a good look at the consequences for them were his policies ever enacted.

Nor are they aware of the dishonest brutality which the hard men in LibDem Party HQ deploy as standard operating procedure when they are after power in local politics. "Clean", clever Mr Clegg has some very stupid policies and some very dirty associates. UPDATE - from whom he refuses to dissociate himself.

Most of Clegg's parliamentary colleagues have no experience whatsoever of the practice of government and a less than firm grasp of the theory of it. Their economic ideas are terrifyingly juvenile and fronted by an old fraud whose unmasking this week escaped the attention of the adoring crowd of Nick-worshippers.

But Nick looks good and makes a nice noise, and that's what we like. Isn't it, boys and girls? All together now: CRACKERJACK!

It's obvious what's up with Huhne

He's talking nineteen to the dozen, haranguing everyone and anyone and shouting if they try to stop him. It's a positive torrent. It's an affliction. He's embarrassing himself. Still, one can understand why.

Some people lose all control with the merest whiff of the aphrodisiac of power. They find that suddenly they can command an audience after a lifetime of people getting up and leaving whenever they started talking. It turns them on and in the more acute cases makes walking very difficult.

The delicious arousal. The salivating. The racing pulse. The rush of energy. The sweating. 'Who's the Daddy... mmm... lovely... mmm... oh yes... oh Go-od... ah... here it comes...' And then the cruel doorbell rings. Tsk. Shame, eh?

So close, Chris. So very close. But will you ever reach 'Aaahh...' ? Or is your dalliance with the media and the electorate doomed to coitus interruptus?

Hey, Dave.

What he said.

Don't judge Clegg by his weird allies

Come on, be fair. We all know that politicians, parties and nations choose the strangest bedfellows when it's in their interest or the nation's interest. Churchill and Stalin, Egypt and Israel. Mandelson and Clegg. No natural friendships there. Just mutual strategic advantage.

The pragmatic realpolitik of the European Union runs in Clegg's veins so he knows all this better than anyone, yet he and his worryingly hysterical foreign policy man Huhne (homophone: hoon) expect us to believe that the Tories just lurve making deals with Fascists, while LibDems make alliances only with saints.

But hold - what's this?

What of the Group of the Alliance of Liberals and Democrats for Europe? This is the group which Nick Clegg's Lib Dem MEPs sit in. It's leader Guy Verhofstadt MEP wants to abolish the nation state. The Lib Dems fellow affiliates include the Feminist Initiative from Sweden, who had an MEP until last year. This Party's propose to abolish marriage and create "gender-neutral" names. Then there is the Latvian affiliate to the group the Lib Dem Euro MPs sit in. It is the LPP/LC a merger of two parties Latvian First Party and Latvian Way. It really is homophobic. One of its leaders equated gays to paedophiles. The Party regards homosexuals as degenerates.

Sometimes one needs one's enemy's whack-job enemy as an ally, so I don't condemn Clegg for making alliances with nutters and moonbats but I do condemn him for trying to con voters about it - and about so many other things.

Sick Labour thinks you will find this funny. Cosmic FAIL.

Reasons to vote against Clegg, No 20 - No 94 - #ge2010 -

Chris 'Motormouth' Huhne.

Pass the earplugs.

Clegg's revolting New Motley Army - where only size matters

The pundits think Clegg wants seats. He does – but he wants a massive popular vote much, much more and he is not too bothered how it is distributed across the country.

Standing atop his big bubble with only a fortnight to go, Clegg has momentum and no longer needs to win debates. He'll jump through the unavoidable hoops but in fact he can now shrug off Paxo and Brillo. They are not speaking the language of his New Motley Army which, recruited with a seductive gaze into a camera, is too busy revolting to be bothered with reasoned argument, good governance, principle or the dangers of voodoo economics. All Clegg has to do is avoid elephant traps and keep firing - in any direction..

The LibDems are waging - and may be winning - the battle they have chosen on the ground they have chosen. GOTV. RATM. The Battle of Facebook. Massive numbers of new-voter registration forms have been downloaded - and many may have even been submitted. Yellow is the colour of the season. The banker's son and public school toff Clegg is fashionable. Stranger than fiction, eh, Two Jags?

Clegg can smile at the fever of actuarial calculations of which marginal constituencies may or may not fall to the Yellow Peril because this is the wrong question.

Clegg needs to lose on 6th May, but with the largest share of the national vote.

Can you see what it is, yet?

Best of all for Clegg would be the guaranteed howl of national outrage if the stinking corpse of Brown Labour were returned to government on only 20-odd per cent of the vote.

The electorate is retching at the stench of death surrounding Gordon Brown, the Labour Party and the Rotten Parliament. Cameron’s Vote for Change slogan is well-judged but the change Cameron is offering, while intelligent and appealing, may not satisfy public hunger. The Conservative party is offering the country exactly the kind of government the country would jump at in normal times but these are not normal times. The country is not interested in government at all right now.

Given a slightly larger Parliamentary minority than he presently has, Clegg could block legislation at every turn until the new government conceded FPTP.

Go easy, Mr Clegg. David Cameron would win a back-me-or-sack me election in time of catastrophe, with a landslide.

Beyond Parliament, Clegg calculates, a Libdem majority vote rendered impotent by FPTP could cause such rage that Tribune Clegg would find himself at the head of an implacable mob of incandescent electors howling that they had ‘won’ the election but been disenfranchised by ‘the old system’ and demanding perestroika.

The new government of whatever party could find it impossible to govern normally against a united front of hungry minority parties sensing a chance for power-sharing (think Israel). The Final Battle For PR would be led by ‘Honest’ Nick Clegg backed, he hopes, by a demonstrable national majority and flanked by national treasures Vince Cable and Shirley Williams, urged on by Left-establishment pundits and a media positively orgasmic at such a big, novel narrative. Broadcasting studios would be stiff with gnarled old Sherpas claiming fathers and grandfathers who were democratic revolutionaries who - every one of them - knew Lloyd George.

The rump of Labour would march in step with the New Motley Army towards – they calculate – the dream of perpetual centre-Left government and the permanent exclusion of the Conservative Party from office.

Vote Conservative. Not UKIP. Vote Conservative. Give Cameron a thumping great majority and a clear mandate or you may find you have voted for the abolition of constituency-based MPs, total control of government in the hands of party whips and corrupt lobbyists just like Clegg's beloved European Parliament, where he learned his politics. And permanent, EU-directed Left government.

Clegg's New Motley Army may think they are lions but they are led by calculating men who are using them to rob us of our democratic rights and give total power to their friends: un-sackable, smiling Party machine men in expensive suits with taxpayer-funded lives and their internationalist hearts in Brussels. Think Mandelson without a face you can put a name to.

Labour Party Commits Suicide - Official

Nothing more to be said, really.

The Word of Clegg

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Westminster, coming down out of heaven. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,

"Now the dwelling of Clegg is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and Nick himself will be with them and be their Clegg. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was standing on the podium said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his Clegg."

UPDATE!!!

Abstinence on medical advice

I am suffering a very bad attack of the recently discovered variant of the Dianamania allergy virus, Suffragator demens-furiosus gravitas.

A rash from head to foot. Taken to drink. Not allowed near sharp objects or explosives for fear I'll go out and slaughter the whole fucking doltish, dumbed-down, politically-illiterate, suicidal, media-fattened, shit-for-brains, who-gave-these-stupid-bastards-the-vote-anyway, let-us-eat-cake apology for a lobotimised electorate who cannot see what's heading their way if they follow the latest X Factor wannabe.

I am not watching any more TV coverage of the election apart from the debates. Maybe not even those. Wall to wall Radio 3 and exploration of my vast CD collection which has cost me thousands and taken a lifetime to build up. Praetorius and Bach today. Very calming. What? No. Nor do I know who or what the fuck Lady Gaga is. I only know one fairly recent pop hit.

I have realised that I can get everything any chronically addicted political anorak needs from teh interwebs, including accounts of what I missed on TV, in doses I can cope with and from thinking adults who similarly refuse to be insulted by freeloading, lying, egomaniacal, bought-and-paid-for, anti-liberty-and-of-course-they-know-better, stop-the-Tories-at-any-price-and-fuck-democracy, enemies-of-truth-and-free-speech, marxoid bastards in the let's-patronise-the-amusingly-thick-unwashed media who, when I rule the world, will be up against the wall on day one, starting with all bastards having even the vaguest ancestral connection to the Guardian or the Mirror.

Long live Liberty.

What? You think so? Sue me.

If you want me, I'll be in the back stuffing Conservative campaign envelopes. I'm the one with the headphones on to stop you fucking talking to me. Sod off.

Check out those nice clean LibDems

Here.

Just to clarify...

To stay in Gordon's Brown stuff, vote Clegg

The next PM will NOT be Nick Clegg.

It will be either David Cameron or Gordon Brown.

Time to choose.

Which?

Labour hates the old if they are thrifty

The Conservatives will abolish the compulsion to annuitise your pension fund savings.

Labour refuses to do so.

Labour hates savers because saving makes you less dependent on the State.

Labour loves to penalise the thrifty old who have saved all their lives to provide for their own old age.

Labour thinks they are all rich - 'the few'. This is a lie.

Labour is determined to keep the old on state handouts as the only way to avoid penury.

'If the State is not on your side you are alone' - Mandelson, 2008.

Vote Clegg - get Labour.

Nice Mr Clegg's LibDem Manifesto

The Lib Dem's manifesto does seem the most "left wing" of the main three parties' - and by quite a margin. It is more explicitly redistributive than Labour's - and Labour's is the most redistributive of any of its manifestos since 1992. Also the Lib Dem manifesto is explicit about its distaste for those on higher earnings. Not only is it bashing bankers' bonuses (see my note of yesterday), but it would force all public companies to "declare in full all remunerations of £200,000 per year or more". Crikey. Some would say that the Lib Dems have journeyed quite a long way from that liberal strand of their origin.

And that's from Robert Peston, left-wing son of a Labour economist.

Save Gordon! Vote Clegg!

Former lobbyist-EUcommissar-MEP in 'I Want to Rule UK' shock

Wisdom of the Ages

Are you a man or a mouse, Nick?

Why didn't the LibDems attack Labour right from the start? Will they do it now?

Numerically, it's their best chance to destroy and replace Labour, and become the alternative government.

Tory-averse Labour-hating swingers would love it. Are Clegg's grass-roots so blinded by misty pink memories of old Lib-Lab pacts that a radical alternative does not occur?

Will they will see the bleeding obvious attraction of that strategy NOW, before it's too late and they blow their best chance for decades?

McDoom is on the floor and Clegg is standing over him with a dagger. Will Clegg administer the coup de grace? Or will he waste the chance of a lifetime and all his ammo on the Tories because his membership tell him to?

Angry huddles in Libdemmery Towers tonight over these questions, I'd bet. Well, if anyone there has any sense of destiny.

Is Cameron playing long in the TV debates?

• Did he set out last night deliberately to defuse Mandelson's line about him being 'nothing but a PR' by seeming less than great at PR, merely holding his ground?
• Did he decide deliberately to lower expectations early in the debate cycle in order to ratchet up the oomph over the series, peaking in the final debate and so capturing the media narrative just before the finishing line?
• Everyone knows Cameron is a very nifty and substantial debater and that last night was atypical, so was his appearing relatively poor in last night's PR-contest in fact a subtly smart PR strategy?

Clegg took it with populist, student's union debating tricks like riding the anger, listing the questioners at the end, talking to the camera. They achieved his objective of getting him a hearing.

Fraser Nelson is right - this was Clegg's finest hour but he has discharged all his single-use weapons. From now on, he will be playing with big boys who know that he has nothing so it's all downhill from here as Brown and Cameron demolish him. Substance? Nah. Clegg's standard LibDem match-day tactics make him, like Cable, potentially dangerous because they fool the gullible, but they do not make either of them heavyweights fit for government, although you might have to be an anorak to recognise LibDem mendacity behind their smoke and mirrors.

POGWAS. The country has already sacked Brown. He did well last night - by Labour standards but by no-one else's. He was (as advertised) smug, vain, pompous, vicious, weird and sinister, with occasional oily interludes. The complete voter turn-off.

Still awake... just

Cameron standing for murder, from Brown.

Brown still standing.

Clegg apparently standing for NUS President.

I need a bloody drink. Good sodding night.

THIS is the Tories' flagship policy

Ignore all the Lib/Lab chaff.

The Tory manifesto says (page 12) that a Conservative government will abolish the iniquitous legal compulsion to annuitise one's SIPP (accrued pension capital) at age 75.

This is a massive change which will relieve the stomach churning fears of older citizens - and their families. It is the long overdue righting of a grotesque injustice. This is a simple change which will cheer and benefit millions while harming and disadvantaging no-one.

No longer will the aged retired have to hand over to an insurance company all their hard earned pension-savings, accrued over a lifetime of work, in exchange for a low, fixed income which can never, in any circumstances, rise to cope with rising prices in an inflating economy.

It will liberate millions of retired people from the fear/curse of having to try to survive their advanced years, when their financial needs are increasing, on a dwindling (vs inflation) permanently-fixed income. It will reduce the need of the thrifty, when they become very old, for means-tested benefits when their annuity income falls to a scarily low level compared with prices.

It will mean that pension savers can leave their life savings in pension funds which can earn money in the markets and in shares (through SIPPS) thereby hedging against inflation and protecting their capital and income. This is a HUGE plus for people of or shortly to be of pension age. It should also cut the cost to the state of supporting the very old who will be better able to support themselves from their savings after a life-time of paying pension contributions. This is key to returning Britain to being a nation of savers instead of a nation on welfare. Excellent stuff. Labour will hate it. They will howl at the very idea. Think about it.

• Saving is to be rewarded
• the old will be able to remain independent of the state for as long as they want to
• state support for the old can reduce over time - anathema to Labour's dogma*
• the thrifty old will be able to pass some of their savings on to their children, grandchildren and charities
• the invested capital of millions of thrifty citizens will once more be available to fund industry and boost equities, thus increasing wealth in every sector
• capitalism's virtuous circle.

Well, sod Labour.

This measure alone, of all those in the Tory manifesto, signifies Conservativism at its best.

This is the restoration of sanity, realism and practicality, the liberation of the individual from state shackles, sound economics to the benefit of the macro economy in the medium and long term, honourable, family-orientated and just.

It is the opposition of Gordon Brown's and Labour's thinking about the role of state, the economy and the family and the citizen.

Memo to lazy Conservative swing voters

"No policies"? "Unclear policies"?

Oh, for...

Are you comfortable in that armchair, swallowing Labour's lies and Cable's egomaniac blather about what the Tories are offering you? Did they tell you about this, for instance?

What are you? Some kind of journalist, FFS? A closet Labour-lover, maybe? Supine cannon-fodder for the Brown Ruiner? Happy for Big Brother to do everything for you including your thinking?

Hey! Here's a revolutionary idea!

Polls

Never mind the top line.

Below is the most interesting in YouGov. Overall advantage Cameron on almost everything.

On the big 'gut' questions, clear Labour FAIL. Floating voters vote with their guts.

Hung parliament? No way on this earth. Substantial Tory majority.

Ignore TV voxpops with underclass-littoral-dwellers who can barely speak let alone think about a political decision. Hung Parliament? Those people won't vote.

The decider will be a substantial numbers of 'shy Blairite Labour'. They hate Brown, want him out, and will vote Tory.

In addition we will see a massive Labour stay-away, coupled with some defections to LibDem.

I had dinner tonight with two diehard Old Labourites who for the first time in their fairly long lives are campaigning - campaigning - for the LibDems. They also hate Brown, want him out, despair of their old party and and will vote to get Labour out but would never vote Tory.

______________________________________________

YOUGOV - Additional questions

Here are some things the Labour Party is promising it will do if it wins the coming election. In each case do your think they will keep or break their promise if it remains in government?

Not raise income tax rates Keep its promise: 27% Break its promise: 55% Don't know: 18%

Allow the people who run successful schools and hospitals to take over and run failing schools and hospitals Keep its promise: 39% Break its promise: 31% Don't know: 30%

Stop immigrants with poor English taking public sector jobs Keep its promise: 18% Break its promise: 60% Don't know: 22%

Make it easier to sack failing police chiefs Keep its promise: 24% Break its promise: 40% Don't know: 36%

Do you approve or disapprove of the Government's record to date? Approve: 24% Disapprove: 61% Don't know: 15%

Which of these would make the best Prime Minister? David Cameron: 31% Gordon Brown: 26% Nick Clegg: 12% Don't know: 30%

Which party do you think is more likely to run Britain's economy well - the Conservatives or the Labour Party? Conservatives: 36% Labour: 31% Neither: 23% Don't know: 10%

Here is a list of problems facing the country. Could you say for each of them which political party you think would handle the problem best? NHS Conservatives: 33% Labour: 28% Liberal Democrats: 13% Other: 2% None: 9% Don't know: 15%

Asylum and immigration Conservatives: 39% Labour: 17% Liberal Democrats: 12% Other: 7% None: 10% Don't know: 15%

Law and order Conservatives: 39% Labour: 23% Liberal Democrats: 10% Other: 3% None: 8% Don't know: 17%

Education and schools Conservatives: 29% Labour: 28% Liberal Democrats: 17% Other: 3% None: 8% Don't know: 15%

Taxation Conservatives: 31% Labour: 24% Liberal Democrats: 19% Other: 3% None: 10% Don't know: 15%

Unemployment Conservatives: 27% Labour: 27% Liberal Democrats: 12% Other: 3% None: 11% Don't know: 19%

Thinking about Prime Minister Gordon Brown, which of the following qualities do you think he has?

Sticks to what he believes in: 36% Strong: 22% Honest: 22% Good in a crisis: 20% In touch with the concerns of ordinary people: 18% Decisive: 15% A natural leader: 4% Charismatic: 2% None of these: 44% Don't know: 6%

Thinking about Conservative leader David Cameron, which of the following qualities do you think he has? Charismatic: 42% A natural leader: 25% Decisive: 22% Strong: 21% Sticks to what he believes in: 18% Honest: 18% In touch with the concerns of ordinary people: 17% Good in a crisis: 9% None of these: 29% Don't know: 12%

Thinking about Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg, which of the following qualities do you think he has?

Honest: 30% In touch with the concerns of ordinary people: 26% Sticks to what he believes in: 21% Charismatic: 17% Decisive: 12% Strong: 9% A natural leader: 7% Good in a crisis: 4% None of these: 20% Don't know: 34%

______________________________

I wrote all this at PB.com earlier.

Aspiration? Dinnae bother.

"Labour is the party of middle-income and lower-income Britain." - Gordon Brown

"Labour's Britain is now a nation of middle and lower incomes." - Prodicus

Hm. Tough one.

1.

The Labour Party

2.

Nope. No idea. Wait... give me a minute...

3.

A grown-up.

You... woke me up for THAT?

#GE2010

Heard it all before. Thirteen years ago. Nine years ago. Five years ago. And the bloke lying to me about it all now is the same bloke who said the other bloke who said it back in the day was wrong about all of it. This bloke got rid of that bloke and now he's saying he's more like the other bloke than the other bloke was. And they're both liars.

Look, I am weary. I have been forced to watch these Labour arseholes working out their psychopathies on innocent bystanders for thirteen years. They have done serious damage to my sanity, my country, my ears and my arse.

Enough already. FAIL.

I'm going back to bed until tomorrow. And just in case you should think of waking me again, remember this.

Fantasy fiction review

Daily Politics show on BBC tv.

Brillo: “Labour manifesto consists of stuff Brown spent 13 years opposing.”

Mirror bloke: “Plus ‘Gordon knows best.’”

#GORDONWHO

There is a new Twitter hashtag for Tweeters who spot literature from Labour PPCs which spookily doesn't name-check their Party's Dear Leader. Like this one.

#GORDONWHO

MOMSNET strategy: avoid total wipe-out of Labour

#ge2010

MOMSNET (Mates Of Mandelson NETwork) have clearly given up on attracting votes. They're now concentrating on putting some heart, as if that were possible, into their central diehard core vote in the hope of getting some of them out to vote, and so prevent the haemorrhage proving lethal.

The aim now is to reduce the likelihood of Labour's worst electoral defeat in history.

Their first PPB is literally hopeless. It is pure Brownite guff. 'Vote Gordon (Saviour of the World) Brown because the Tories are wicked and stupid'.

Nothing positive, no freshness. No reason to be joyful at the prospect of five more years of Labour, if you'll pardon the expression.

Not Labour's best day.

Not Brown's best day. Raith lost.

The legacy of the economic genius that is Gordon Brown

#ge2010 #labourfail

From the Conservative Draft Manifesto on Economic Policy.

Test

#ge2010 #labourfail

Q. Suggest two groups no political fuckwit would offend during a war-time election.

A. Soldiers. People dying of cancer.

Some people thought #election2010 was all over for Labour. Well, it is now.

Labour has sent out a personalised, mass-mailed electoral suicide note.

Who could vote for a Party whose leadership - leadership - sanctions this?

Fuck you, Gordon Brown. Fuck you. And shut the fuck up with your fucking lies about a 'moral compass'.

Fuck you for using the sick and dying to help you cling on to power.

Apologies and explanations not required. Too late. Time up. Fuck off.

And fuck your friends, too. Your horrible, lying, manipulating, morally corrupt hand-picked Praetorian guard of enforcers. Those Mandelsons, Whelans, Ballses, McBrides and Drapers. Evil cunts, every one, Friends of Gordon, Labour's chief campaigners. Fuck the lot of you.

FUCK YOU, BROWN.

FUCK YOU, LABOUR PARTY.

FUCK OFF AND DIE.

OF CANCER.

A fate worse than death is too good for you, Brown, but after this, an awful lot of people are working on that. Trust me.

__________________________

Written from within a red mist by a roaring, rampaging bastard on behalf of every frightened cancer patient in Britain and every last one of their distraught friends and relatives who are too nice, too tired or too ill to tell you themselves that you are an unutterably contemptible fuck and - oh, yes - you just lost all their votes.

WHERE DID LABOUR GET PERSONAL DATA ON CANCER SUFFERERS?

They are not denying that they targeted cancer sufferers.

Evil bastards.

Requiescant in pace

Condolences to the Polish people on the loss of their leadership and heroes.

Particular sympathy to the late President's brother on the loss of his twin.

May the President and all those killed in the accident rest in eternal peace.

May their bereaved families and friends find consolation.

May the Polish people once again find strength in solidarity.

On Courage, Quid pro quo, and Motivational Music

There was a time when one of the signal marks of the Labour Party - This Great Movement Of Ours - was comradely loyalty.

How suddenly everything can change.

It has dawned on Gordon Brown that this ungrateful country will defy him. Dismiss him from office. That he, the Rightful Ruler, will lose the power for which he plotted all his life, humiliated by the people who will turn their backs on him on the single occasion on which he asked for an electoral mandate; that he is responsible, personally, for his party losing office... to a bunch of fucking Etonian-led, fucking, fuck-fuck-fucking Tory fuckers. Still, never mind, eh?

But what has Labour come to, when their leader is suggesting that Labour's people abandon their own candidates. What better way to take the heart out of the party on the ground? One can really only stare, as the Leader of the Labour Party hands Labour's poor bloody infantry over to the enemy - the moment the fighting starts. Such courage, eh?

But is it so surprising? Anything to stop the Tories has always been Brown's personal motto.

On the other hand, so many Labour candidates have studiously avoided praising Labour's record in government, have frantically distanced themselves from Gordon Brown and the Politburo in their literature, that it seems only fair that their Dear Leader should ask their constituency electorates to, um, vote against them.

[holds breath - stuffs fist in mouth - wipes eyes - breathes deeply]

And now for a musical interlude. In the beginning, Labour sang The Red Flag:

Though cowards flinch and traitors sneer, We'll keep the red flag flying here. It suits today the weak and base Whose minds are fixed on pelf and place To cringe before the rich man's frown And haul the sacred emblem down.

Hm.

Then, in 1997, New Labour's chosen anthem, troops for the rousing of, was Things can only get better.

In 2010, Labour's leaders are singing this:

Paleo-Labour Brown offers to lead Little Britain back to the caves

Brown's Cadbury Law.

Sigh.

This is like an instruction to investors and bond buyers to fuck off out of Brown's Little Britain.

The damage such a law would do to free trade, to Britain's standing in the world, not to mention the national debt and the WHOLE FUCKING ECONOMY, GORDON, is obviously beyond the delusional angry socialist bastard.

So much for his giant brain.

Brown is now running on pure anger. Well, I mean. The sheer effrontery of it! Other politicians (who are obviously all evil and stupid) and the great unwashed electorate (on whom he lavished so much of ... oh, yes, their own money...) daring to question him! Daring even to consider throwing him out! How bloody dare we? He is the mighty Gordon Brown!

All he can see through the red mist now warping his judgement is that he is probably going to lose. To Cameron. To an Etonian. He will grab and wield anything that occurs to him or to one of his small coterie of narrow-minded Old Labour neanderthals. Anything. No matter how damaging or crazy.

There will be more crap like this before 6th May.

Gordon Brown is becoming even more dangerous than he already was. And he was.

Memo to a job applicant

Alastair Darling has written to George Osborne demanding that he clarify his economic policies. This is hilarious on so many levels one hardly knows where to begin, especially from a Chancellor who dare not publish his own spending plans. What about that Comprehensive Spending Review, Chancellor?

____________________________________________________

MEMORANDUM

To: Alastair Darling

From: A Voter

I cannot imagine why you think you are in a position to demand anything of anybody, Mr Darling.

Parliament is prorogued which means that your constitutional, electoral approval is withdrawn. It is presumption on your part to forget that you are no more than a temporary caretaker finance minister, faute de mieux. Kindly know your place.

The only people to whom Mr Osborne is required to explain himself are us. The electorate. We are in charge now.

You are re-applying for your job. I suggest you do not waste time making demands of those with whom you are competing but address yourself to us. You are advised to polish your own application and present it to us, along with your qualifications and CV. Ah, I see we already have that.