To be fair to Ed Miliband... ...

... not something I ever expected to type but there you go...the media were never going to give him a chance.

Almost to a hack, the media have been insulting Ed Miliband ceaselessly (one sympathises but I mean to say...) since the moment he stuck that knife in his brother's back - and there's the reason, right there.

The ladees and gennlemen of the press believed that Mister Tony had changed the Labour Party once and for all when he dragged it into the real world from its Marxism Today comfort zone. They bought his  'social demcracy' and 'mixed economy' riffs. He abolished Clause IV, FFS! Bob Crow was the last remnant of the Morbid Tendency...  

When Blair was defenestrated and Brown strung up by the people (I can dream, can't I?) the media expected the Blairite David to become leader of the New Labour Party. Head and shoulders... foregone conclusion...

OMG! It's the wrong brother! WTF?

Yes, in an undreamt-of reversal of an ancient tale, young Abel killed his elder brother, Cain. How appropriate for our exciting new post-religious society!

Some of the more arcane, Manichean interpretations of the Cain and Abel story have it that the name 'Cain' means 'son of evil', even going so far as to give the Serpent, the Devil, as Cain's father, rather than Adam. That would make the elder brother, Cain, inherently evil and less than human...

If, as in modern Labourology, Tony Blair is the Devil Incarnate, why would the faithful want the son of the Father of New Labour Lies as leader?  No, time for an Old Labour Man, a Socialist. Ed Miliband. The younger brother. Abel. And so it came to pass.

So once again the Labour Party is toasting the good old days of freedom, unelectability and seemingly permanent opposition, back when the Marxoid prophets Foot, Kinnock ('I've got my party back!'), Benn and Meacher held sway and the Guardian was a newspaper. What a relief, what a delight, freely to be able to boo the 'Tory' (ultimate insult, otherwise meaningless) bastard who three times received from the British people a mandate to govern in the name of the, erm, Labour party. 'What? Oh. who cares? That was then. Werl, it kept the Tories out.'

Blair is now the Devil, to be scorned and reviled, and the Blairite elder Miliband was his son: Cain.

The Miliband fratricide is exactly what the party faithful wanted in its Old Labour guts, even though they dared not say it out loud in the presence of the electorate, so the Union Brotherhoods, keepers of the Flame and not beholden to the bloody voters, got Ed elected. What a relief!

Now Ed, the young Abel, has freed them from all prospect of having to take responsibility or even to think and talk like political adults. They are free to revert to behaving like political teenage boys, admiring each other's Che posters, wearing shit T-shirts which they think are cool, playing loud music chosen because everyone hates it, watching porn and having wanking contests when Mum's safely out of the house, blowing the dope-smoke out the window and talking the kind of testosterone-driven crap about fighting that only Labour cadres and hormonal, acne-plagued teenage boys think has any connection with reality. 

And the voters? Hah. The Labour Party can afford to wank on for a while yet, scorning the judgement of the very few swing voters who might be watching them. It'll be years before what the voters think actually matters. Three years? Eight? Thirteen? What the hell. Let's have some good old socialist, class war fun. Fuck the Tories, it's your round, ged 'em in. Cheers.

So, whodathortit? Abel killing Cain? Nobody expected that. No wonder the media pundits are angry. They knew it could never happen. But it did.

"I mean, Ed Miliband? How dare he? Who does he think he is? We'll show him. Him and his party." Well, all except the usual suspects. And the Staggers and the Guardian, obviously.